Is it weird that I'm not obsessed with marriage?

Okay so, I'm not expert on giving psychological advice (though I do intend on obtaining a degree in some form psychology), but I think the main issue here is your self-perception of yourself. Everyone--no matter who the heck you are--has insecurities and doubts. That's life, its just how you deal with those issues. To me it sounds like you have a solid idea on where you stand on relationships and love yada yada, but you need to be more confident in those beliefs. Stand strong and embrace it. What does concern me however is this tendency of yours regarding the eating disorder and inflicting self-pain. That was an issue of the past, so leave it there, don't let that effect how you live out the course of your life. I'm sorry that you don't have someone to talk to about this, a good venting session is always good. But if you find yourself going back to those dark days of hurting yourself, please be wise and get professional help...it's the best thing you could do for yourself. Work on trying to have a better outlook on life. Good luck!!!